4 Weeks and a Birthday!!!

It was four weeks ago exactly that Scott and I celebrated our 3rd year anniversary and welcomed our three little girls. Since then, we've had to say good-bye to our two oldest girls, the identical twins. And 4 weeks later, we celebrate Casey hitting 4 weeks exactly on Scott's 34th Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday, Scott!!!

This past weekend, as Scott and I were scrubbing in to enter the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) for the second time that day...I turned to him and said "Scott, I don't have anything planned for your birthday." He just smiled. I continued "I mean it. I'm real sorry but it's been so crazy. I really don't have a single thing planned...this isn't some complex plan to dupe you and throw you off-track. There's no surprise party or anything." He laughed at that. In all seriousness, I had always thought that I would be confined to bed being 7 and 1/2 months pregnant with triplets. I was hoping his friends would take him out for fun on the town, his last big hoorah before our lives got crazy. Well, the craziness started way early.

So, I have a lot to make up for. Christmas will be a big one this year=)

Casey just seems bigger and bigger. Although she lost a bit of weight the past two days. Today she weighs 2 lb 12 oz after getting up to 2 lb 14 oz. Oh, wrong way, Casey. Everything else is looking really good. They may have to figure out a way to pump up her caloric intake. Right now, she is intaking 24 mL of breastmilk every 3 hrs and her tummy looks like it's to full capacity. This past week, we have seen her sneeze, yawn, and hiccup. The poor thing seems to hiccup every time we kangaroo her. The poor lil thing squeaks when she hiccups. And those methods for getting rid of hiccups...they so don't work for a preemie. No drinking water upside down or scaring her.

This video clip is courtesy of Crissy who captured it perfectly.

She still has desaturation bouts, where the oxygen levels in her blood dip...but she seems to be maturing and tolerating a lot more. She used to desat when there was noise or talking or touching, now she tolerates it. So, we've been rubbing her soft hair or holding her hand when we can...its probably mostly for us...but we love being able to bond with her more. Last night, they took off her head gear while adjusting her mask and I massaged her head to get the blood circulating...and she opened both eyes and was looking around. She has Scott's eyes. Perfect eyes. The little tube that goes into her mouth runs into her stomach and that's how she is fed and it also helps air trapped in her stomach escape. She seems to think its a pacifier and she loves sucking on it...or pushing it around with her tongue. She enjoys it so much, I swear she actually smiles sometimes. Check out this video and see what I mean...warning, it's a little dark.

Prayer Requests:

-Casey gets a head ultrasound on Friday as she turns 30 days old. pray for no bleeds or abnormal results

-That she gains weight, we would LOVE for her to hit 3 lb by next week Monday

-That her lungs develop and strengthen so she breathes on room oxygen 21% more and with less help

A note on faith

Some have emailed or texted me admiring my strength and faith during this time. Let’s be honest, I’m not strong. I’ve done nothing. And my faith was shaken. I questioned everything...a lot. I questioned the power of prayer. If ever there were girls more covered in prayer, it was these girls. I question God's plan. I know God didn't take my baby girls. The devil did, the Bible says the devil is out to steal, kill and destroy. But I was sooo angry that day. I just didn't know where to direct that anger. It was hard to be angry at the devil. That's what he does. He steals. He kills. He destroys. But I kept hoping and praying that God would save my baby. I've heard of miracles and healing by God. Why can't it be me, my family this time?

I prayed every prayer there was. Standing over my daughter’s isolette, tears streaming onto the plexiglass, asking God for forgiveness for my unbelief…my faith small like a mustard seed…pleading that he show mercy to my daughter. Standing in the hallway alone, asking that Judy Blume title “God, are you there? It’s me, keao.” Feeling so confused, so heartbroken, so mad. Scared to admit that I was mad, because maybe this was a test and God was going to show a miracle in the last hours…but I would ruin it all if I said the wrong thing out loud. But you can’t hide things from God, He already knows your heart.

I have a lot of friends who haven’t exactly loved my beliefs. There’s the dominating thought that Christians are mindless sheep, who just follow ignorantly and never question anything. A complete lie. I love my God but I have questioned Him so many times. And He lets me. He’s my father. He lets me rant and rave and yell, and still He waits with arms open when I collapse crying. I don’t understand anything but He’s still my father. He knew the walk I would be on, so He surrounded me with a husband who carries me, a room full of loved ones who stood with me. He gave me all the time I needed to say good-bye to my daughter. He let me yell at him and kick and scream, and He took it all. I wanted to be a mom more than anything and He heard my call. My prayers were answered and I am a mom. He gave me three beautiful daughters. He allowed us to prepare for Rory's passing and gave us strength as we enjoyed every day I carried her. I had 19 wonderful days with Allison. I have Casey, who is thriving and has brought such joy and comfort to Scott and me in this past week.

I can’t wrap my head around everything. But does God exist? Without a doubt. Is He good? I believe it. That much I know to be true. Does He love me? Yes, yes he does. Things will take time to heal but the truth remains the same. I'm still hurt. I'm still mad. I'm confused. But I still need God to walk beside me. And He has carried me...oh, how He has carried me.

Bye to my Astro

I'm known for being long-winded. I have to tell everything.

It was one week ago that my phone rang. And my life changed...again.

Allison Hope Yayeko Ka`olinanahenahe was born on July 28th, shortly after noon on a Wednesday. She was a spitfire, a ball of personality weighing in at 1 lb 12 oz. People kept asking why we called her a spitfire but everyone who got to meet her quickly understood why. She was our little scrappy fighter.

She always quick to let people hear her displeasure. And she loved sleeping with her hands by her face. This was taken two days before she passed...they had just moved her up to a newborn sized diaper.

It started long ago, when we first found out that we were having triplets. Our first visit to the specialist showed that at 10 weeks, Allison was already measuring days behind her identical twin. The doctor was very concerned at this growth discrepancy appearing so early on. It could be an indicator of something more serious. We were told the option of selective reduction, but we refused. Instead, we watched as Allison continued to grow...always far behind her identical twin and fraternal sister...but she just chugged along growing at her own pace.

At my 15 week doctor visit, the doctor spotted an abnormal growth at the base of Allison's spine. He said the most two likely options were cerebral palsy (she would most likely end up in a wheelchair) or it was a tumor. I braced myself but at the next visit, the growth was gone. he couldn't find any sign of it at all...and it never appeared again. At the 17 week visit, she and Rory both displayed low levels of amniotic fluid. By the next appointment, their levels were fine. At 20 weeks, we discovered that Rory had a blocked aortic valve. There was a chance that Rory would pass away before birth. Because Rory and Allison were identical twins and shared a placenta, if Rory passed away, we were given a 30-40% chancr that Allie would too. Even if Allie survived, there was a 50% chance that she would suffer sever brain damage. Nervously, the doctors watched every week but Rory was strong and she was looking out for Allison. Our girls were amazing fighters. And in the end, it was Allie who decided it was time to venture out into the world.

Allie with her loud battle cry and superstar nickname "Astro." She overcame so much, I never thought for a second I would lose her. I just marveled at what life she would lead, what story God had laid out for her. The little imp showed off by being first at everything. It was Saturday night, when Scott and I went in late at night to kangaroo/skin to skin holding with the girls. I had Allie and the nurse had her turned so her face looked up into mine. I just breathed in the scent of her hair and gazed down at her delicate features peeking out behind her Si-PAP mask for an hour. It was pure bliss and I walked out of the hospital feeling like I was walking on air.

Sunday, the next day, we got two urgent calls that sent us to the hospital. The afternoon I was planning to shop at Baby-R-Us and register for our baby shower, I was now racing to the hospital instead. I walked into that same room not more than 18 hours later to a different sight. My little girl surrounded by nurses and doctors. Her belly so swollen and dark. Her Si-PAP mask was off so they could put her on a ventilator and for the first time ever, I got to see her face. She had both eyes open, a first for me also. Shiny dark hair, Scott's little heart-shaped mouth and furrows between her eyebrows, my nose. She was beautiful. But my little girl was very sick. Her incubator was wide open with the lid off and they let me hold her hand as they scurried around. All restrictions were lifted and the seriousness hit me as I realized that germs were no longer a concern for my little girl. We faced bigger problems.

They were struggling even with the ventilator to get the oxygen levels in her blood to increase. Her swollen belly was pushing on her lungs. Her right foot was blue as the arteries in her legs were being compressed. She wasn't peeing because of her swollen abdomen which was serious because they would have to stop the antibiotics since she couldn't get rid of it. They were also worried that her potassium levels would spike accordingly and could cause heart arhythmia. In less than a day, a disease called NEC had turned my happiest memory of the night before into a mother's nightmare. Her digestive system which is so delicate and thin at her young age...not meant to be working months before her expected due date...had developed small perforations that let bacteria and air out of her swollen intestines and into her abdomen.

The night was a blur. They brought in a surgeon who would try to alleviate the pressure and examine her system. Scott and I sat in a makeshift waiting room. We dragged chairs into the hallway outside the elevators where our phones could catch in case they called us. We jumped up when the surgeon came outside after just 30 minutes. He asked us to sit down. I came to dread the moments when doctors asked us to sit down or would just pull up a chair themselves. I was in shock as he sat down and quietly told us that 80% of Allie's intestines were infected and died...and that her remaining 20% didn't look good. He was telling us that all we could do was watch that last 20% over the next day and hope that it survived. My body was frozen in my chair. And anger washed over me. All I could think of was that Limp Bizkit song "Break Stuff"...it's just one of those days when you don't want to wake up." I had this overwhelming urge to pick up the chair I was sitting in and just haul it through the glass window. I wanted to scream. I wanted to break things. Instead, I sat there numb as the doctor kept talking and screams echoing in my head.

They got us a room upstairs. I wish we could have just slept next to her crib. I just wanted to sit there and hold her hand. She was breathing a little easier after the surgery relieved some pressure, but the ventilator vibrated her tiny head and her dark eyes kept flying open in confusion. The doctor, who had beent here all day and would be there all night, several weeks away from giving birth herself, urged us to go upstairs and try to sleep. Sleep was elusive. I kept dreaming that she was okay and would wake up crying when I realized that it was only a dream.

The next morning, Scott and I prepared ourselves to go see her. I was hesitant. I knew that our time and hope was running out. I dreaded seeing her and seeing no improvement over the night, because that would kill our only hope. We sat together on the hospital bed and prayed, broken. And then the knock at the door. The doctor came up to sit with us and tell us that Allie wasn't getting better, she was getting worse. They had her on all the support and medications they could give her to keep her alive, and she was slowly declining. She probablyl wouldn't make it the day. The doctor said to come downstairs and we could hold her...and spend as much time as we could with her.

When we lost Rory, I was tormented that I didn't get to spend time with her. I wondered if God had spared me heartache or if it might have been easier if I had been able to hold her. I got my chance with Allison. They laid her on my arms and I whispered in her ear that "mommy and daddy are here. I promise that we'll be here and we're never never ever going to leave you." 19 days old, and it was the first time we ever got to cradle her in our arms. It was so hard leaving your babies in the NICU, and I dreamed about being able to take Allie and Casey home and kiss them all over their faces. I finally got to kiss my daughter's cheeks and forehead, God, she had the softest skin.

And I talked to her. I kept talking and talking. Telling her everything I would ever want to tell her. How proud I was of her. How much I loved her. How much we had prayed for children and how she , my oldest daughter, had amazed us in every way. I told her about her aunties and uncles that she never got to meet. Her cousins that she would never get to play with. I told her how she got her name. I chose the middle name Hope for Allie. I used to put descriptors on people's names in my cell phone caller ID to help me remember who they were. When I met Scott, he became "Scott Hope Cell" in my cell phone list. Every time he called, my heart would just light up when I saw that it was "Scott Hope." It still does to this day. That little word, hope, holds a world of emotions for me. It stands for my church, which gave me the friends I have, the church family I have, it gave me a place to belong, it gave me my husband and thus it gave me my family.

And I sang to her. Her hawaiian name is inspired by the scripture "He rejoices over me with singing." When we read in the baby book that babies can hear voices from the womb, I sang worship songs to them. When I kangarood with the girls, I would sing those worship songs so they would remember me.

Lord i'm amazed by you by Lincoln Brewster
One Thing by Hillsong
Precious Lord by Crystal lewis

We never lifted our eyes from our face. Trying to memorize every little detail. Boasting about her perfect features and cute little face. And it struck us how much she looked like her sister, Rory. It took her 19 days, but she was now the weight and size Rory had been.

As the day wore one, Allison became unresponsive. I could no longer get her to hold my hand. She wasn't opening her eyes. We knew her body was tired. We cried and we told her "Allie, if you're tired, we understand...you don't have to fight any more." I didn't want to let my baby girl go...selfishly, I wanted her to just hang on, come on Allie. You fought through everything else, please don't give up. But my mother's heart broke for her as I watched her tiny little body still, she had already done so much and fought with a strength that amazed me. Scott and I had to prepare ourselves for letting her go. And I'm so thankful that we had a day, a beautiful day to tell our baby girl everything our hearts wanted to say, to hold her hand and kiss her cheek...a beautiful day with our beautiful daughter. And by nightfall, our little Allison joined her identical sister, Rory, in heaven. They must have missed each other, they couldn't stand being apart.

*********************************************************************

There's this wonderful woman, Lisa. An amazing photographer, she runs a company called Windward Skies. I've followed her work for years as she's been my inspiration. When we found out that Rory had a heart defect and would pass away after birth, I had confided this to Lisa. She offered to come take pictures of us and Rory so we could capture those memories forever. The girls came so unexpectedly and fast, we never got a chance. Monday morning, I sent a message to Lisa. Lisa, who herself is on maternity leave with three young boys to take care, dropped everything...found a babysitter and a camera...and came and sat with us for hours. Thanks to her unbelievable gift and blessed heart, we have the only pictures of us with our daughter. Pictures that we cry over and cherish beyond a price. Lisa, thank you for this.

Her bed now lies empty.




This is my mother. 3 generations of women, and yes, Allie has our nose.

I honestly believe she knew we were holding her. In the morning, she kept peeking at us. Later as she tired, she didn't open her eyes again.

We forgot how tiny she was. That's Scott's wedding band on her wrist.

These poor little feet had been pricked every day of her life for blood tests. No more, Allie.

Such a simple thing that you take for granted, but I had never been able to just hug her.

We had only told a few people yet Allie's room was filled with prayer and love the entire day. The crowd sat and just waited by our side. There was always a shoulder to cry on, a reassuring hand, a scripture pressed into my hand.

I had been singing Crystal Lewis "Precious Lord" to the girls during our kangaroo session. I don't know where the song came from. I love Crystal Lewis and it was an easy to song to sing quietly since the girls don't like loud noises. Singing it Allison that day, I realized I had never paid attention to the words.

Precious Lord, take my hand

Lead me on, let me stand

I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm alone

Through the storm, through the night

lead me on to the light

Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home

when my way grows drear, precious Lord, linger near

when my life is almost gone

hear my cry, hear my call

hold my hand lest I fall

Take my hand, precious Lord, and lead me home.

3 Weeks down a long long road

I want to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We received such an outpouring of love, support and prayers when our baby girls were born and we lost Rory. We had just started to write thank you cards and call people personally when we lost Allison. Again, we were completely surrounded by all of you, who carried us when we were weak and our bodies couldn't carry our heavy hearts. Uncle Stanton wrote a beautiful message to his nieces here on his blog.

On Monday, I whispered a promise into Allison's ear that Scott and I would never leave her side. And we didn't. It was a marathon of sitting there, carefully holding the pillow she lay on concentrating on not moving. Moving might dislodge her breathing tube and sensors. We sat there and held her every second we could. And I told Scott "I don't dread today. Today, we have her. It's tomorrow, it's tomorrow I fear." Monday was the worst day I could imagine but doesn't compare to the days that are following. Knowing I can't see her face, or hold her hand, or hear her rebellious angry cry. If I could have stayed forever in Monday, I would have. It's these days I don't want to face.

We're trying to focus on Casey, she needs us. But there are reminders everywhere that jar me with the reality that there's a big gaping hole in my life. I catch myself still saying "babies." We're on our way to visit our "babies." We should buy this for the "babies." Let's go see our "babies." There's the 3 million pieces of baby girl clothing littered across our house meant to wardrobe 3 baby Sunaoka girls. The empty pages in the journal I use to write daily updates about Allie and Casey. The empty corner in our room where Allie's crib was going to be. The plastic bracelet around our wrists that correspond with Allie's medical tag. I think I'm surviving, I'm breathing...and then I see a picture of Allie on my camera and I cry...ugly cries. This blog is hard...now it stars only Slugger.

Today, they gave us a memory box. It now joins the memory box for Rory. Now the hutch that we could never figure out what to fill with, has become a memorial to our two oldest children. Our identical girls who could never be too far from each other.


Casey: This past weekend, Casey weighed a whopping 2 lb 10 oz. We noticed the numbers on her monitor had changed slightly and they told us she has moved from Si-Pap to C-Pap breathing. Both blow a constant pressure of air into her lungs. The original Si-Pap, also blew intermittent air at a higher pressure that helped her inhale. The C-Pap she is now on does not have the intermittent higher pressure air. She inhales all on her own, the constant pressure of air the C-Pap provides just helps keep her lungs open and takes some of the strain off her body.

They moved all the other babies out of the room when Allie got sick to give us space but left Casey in there. Her isolette is covered with a blanket as usual but she must have felt ignored, because we would hear her cry out every now and then and then our visitors would rush over to give her some loving attention. We had to pick ourselves up after Allie's departure and return to the hospital to refocus on Casey. She needs us and we need her now more than ever.

She is a comfort but now we battle fear. She has only been here for 3 weeks, 3 weeks of a probably 10 week long journey in the NICU. And we're all so aware of how fragile life is and how small and premature she still is. We're not out of the woods...we're so far deep into it, the fear is paralyzing. The NICU nurses and doctors cried with us when Allie passed. They have all made it their main concern to watch over Casey like hawks. The doctors have issued notices that any little tiny thing...anything be immediately reported to them. This morning, Scott and I readied ourselves to visit the mortuary...just a week after being there for Rory, when my phone rang with the NICU ID displayed. The doctor "It's okay, don't worry..." Thank God. But still I worry.

Casey had a little bile in her stomach and 2 mL of undigested milk during a check(their stomachs are checked every 3 hours). The docs ordered a blood test =normal, did X-rays=normal. The doctor said "With any other baby, we would dismiss it as nothing and move on. But we're playing it beyond safe with Casey." So, they stopped her feeds and are giving her a blood transfusion since she is a little anemic. They'll slowly restart her on feeds tomorrow and keep checking. When we went in to visit her, they sat down and went through everything with us to reassure us. But I'm not assured. I won't be. Not until the day I can take Casey home. Now I know the fear of NEC, a mysterious disease that's so rare but has robbed me and Scott of so much. I won't be able to breathe until Casey restarts her feeds tomorrow and shows NO PROBLEMS!!!

Prayer Request:
Lord, please protect Casey. Keep her digestive system strong and healthy. Please let tomorrow bring us news that she is eating and digesting perfectly.

You can see her left arm is bandaged with her blood transfusion going in.

Like Daddy, Casey loves to sleep with her arms sprawled out above her head.

I thought it was me. But we heard several comments that she seems to be plumping up. Oh, I want chubby legs and arms on my baby.

A father's love

I kept saying that I wanted to blog about Rory...share her with the world. You don't know how many times I've gone over all the things I wanted to share about her. Wanted to boast and shout from the mountain tops. But I couldn't do it. Not yet. It hurt too much. I would wake up at night and just cry thinking about her. I still need to tell the world how amazing she is. I refuse to use the past tense.

Now I've lost Allison. Now I have two stories to tell. We're broken. Pastor Ruby slipped a pile of scripture cards into my hand yesterday. I can't remember which scripture it was but it said that God draws the broken near to him. I am broken. God must be near to me although, to be honest, I feel so far. It's a weird world I live in. I oscillate between feeling completely numb, not really living, to severe heartwrenching pain. And then back to numbness. I know it will get better, it has to get better. Just not today.

Scott is first to gather his courage and give tribute to his oldest daughter. He amazes me.
Scott's blog

Need Prayers Urgently

Last night's kangaroo with Allie
Sunday: 18 days old, 28 weeks 6 days gestation

No news is good news. This morning my phone rang and the caller ID had the NICU displayed. This time, there was no reassuring "Don't worry, mommy, it's not bad news...we're just calling to tell you..." I said hi and then waited. It never came.

Allison has developed an infection. Infection is the biggest cause for concern in premature babies. Her belly started to look distended and last night, she stopped digesting her feeds. They X-rayed her intestines and did blood tests. The intestines shutting down can indicate an infection. The white blood cell count backed that up, measuring really high. Her blood pressure was also low. They started her on antibiotics, are culturing her blood to see what shows up (growing the bacteria in her blood to see what she has-which will take a day or two), and are going to give her a blood transfusion to increase her blood volume and hopefully help with her low blood pressure. I canceled my plans for the day and called Scott to come home.

I got a second call. Now her belly is hard. She's like us when we get sick, she doesn't feel well. Her systems will also stop working. Her intestines have shut down and all the food still in there is producing gas. Extremely uncomfortable. It's putting pressure on her lungs so they've moved her off the Si-Pap back onto a regulator tube which is much more uncomfortable for her but it will breathe for her when she gets tired. And now there's a very scary and likely chance that the pressure building up in her intestines will cause a hole to develop and leakage into her abdomen. She will need surgery at that point. She's moving from serious condition into critical condition.

I'm not strong at all at this point. We had a rough day yesterday with the mortuary and Rory, which was emotional. Coming off the high of a beautiful kangaroo session with Allison to wake up to another day. I'm a wreck. Thank God, Allison is a fighter even when we're not.

Casey is doing well. We're going in to sit by Allie's side. It will be a few rough days before we see any effects of the antibiotics. Please pray for my baby girl. Please.

Special Guest Appearance

Our little girls had some visitors and now...I'm not the only one blogging about them. Scott's good friend from high school, Crissy, and her hubby, Todd, came to visit bearing a cute gift. A lunch bag (that I'm already using) filled with pacifiers, teethers, and mittens. We had a great time just hanging out near the girl's isolettes talking...and the best part was that she took these amazing pictures. She captured our girls' character. It's awesome.

Check out her blog to see more pics of the girls.

Quick update: As of today, both girls are now over 2 lb. Allie has finally broken the 2 lb barrier coming in at 2 lb 1 oz!!! Casey is at 2 lb 5 oz. Please keep praying for them. I was trying to find blogs of other preemies so I could look for some sort of timeline...and I was reminded that some parents lose their preemies. We must stay vigilant and keep a covering of prayers over these two angels.

2 Weeks Old and already imitiating twilight movies

Gestational Age= 28 weeks 2 days
[Warning: no pictures to post for this one]

Astro and Slugger are 2 weeks old. Thank goodness, time isn't flying by but the days do go by without much restraint. The pressure of trying to pump breast milk (I'm so sorry, that's so TMI, won't mention it again I promise) every three hours, trying to clean and ready the house slow inch by inch, now trying to think of registering for baby items which means I have to sort through what people have already donated and figure out what we need, and spending a few hours at the least at the NICU every day. We're exhausted and the babies aren't even home yet. Hmmm, kind of thought I would be sleeping more considering our babies are in an expensive, 24 hour daycare of some sorts. Agh, well, today's agenda includes a trip to Baby's R Us.

Allison Astro:
She weighed in at 1 lb 15 oz yesterday.
Her birth weight was 1 lb 12 oz.
She now exceeds her birth weight and is almost 2 lb. We're so excited to see an upward trend in their weights. We were talking about weight gain and a friend asked "oh, they're gaining weight. How much? Like a pound?" We told that to the NICU nurses and they had a laugh. At this age, we're fighting for grams. 10-20 grams here and there. 30 grams equals an ounce. Allison has been doing pretty good since her blood transfusion this past weekend. She only had one episode of desat yesterday. Her oxygen saturation levels do dip down below the ideal range, but usually by just a few points and she slowly brings it up. The nurses assure us it's normal and that she's actually just on the edges usually so it's good for her to bring herself back into normal range on her own. But, my blood pressure must be 30 points higher.

She hadn't cried in a while, I think the anemia made her tired. With her fresh supply of red blood cells, she's more herself. Which means she cries. When other babies in the room cry, she'll cry. When she's being moved around, she cries. I love the sound because I know she's with us and she's voicing herself. Which is so awesome because her Hawaiian name comes from the scripture "He rejoices over me with singing." She's singing too. She also loves sucking on a pacifier although she can't coordinate keeping it in so she only sucks on it for a few seconds at a time and then she spits it out.

Casey Slugger:
Casey is weighing in at 2 lb. 2 oz.
Her birth weight is around there...Sorry, bad mom, I'll have to look for it.

She's doing pretty amazing. They're on the Si-Pap which constantly blows air into their lungs and also blows at a higher pressure 20 times a minute to aid in inhaling. Casey is usually on 21% oxygen which is the same as the air we breathe. She just needs a little more oxygen when she's stressed and usually not for very long. They have also turned down the assistance from 20 times a minute to 15 times a minute to see if she can adjust to breathing with less assistance. She's been a trouper. Yesterday, she started acting up with more episodes of oxygen desaturation. They told me she was also looking a little paler so they suspected she might be low on red blood cells. She may have looked a little whiter than Astro, but hey, I'm white. I figure it's genetic.

They ran her blood samples yesterday and her red blood cells were very low. So, like her sister, Casey had her turn with a blood transfusion. My little twilight girls need blood. I'm amazed though, that with such a low count of oxygen-carrying blood cells, she was doing so good with breathing and oxygen levels. Basically, she was anemic and must have felt real sluggish but she still worked hard to get that oxygen flowing. So, the doctors say the blood transfusion will help her feel a lot better and she won't have to work quite so hard. I visited her last night and she already seemed stronger. She gripped my thumb so hard. And I think she made a sound, the first time I heard her. She still sleeps non-stop so haven't seen her eyes. All their nurses have all discovered the same thing, both girls like to sleep on their stomachs. They both do much better in breathing when they're on their tummies.

some follow-up:
Thanks for letting us share and for supporting us in prayer and emails and phone calls. This week we had to start arrangements for Rory. It was tough but we got through it. It was somber to see her vitals record with "never been married" checked off. It just hit home that she never got to live a life, never got to go to prom, or graduate from high school, have sleepovers, fall in love, get married. I had to sign that sheet through a haze of tears. That was probably the hardest part for me. I have to remember that she gets to live a life in heaven that will far exceed anything I could have given her here on earth.

Someone read that the babies receive blood transfusions and asked if they could donate blood to the girls. The girls receive blood from the Blood Bank. In order to minimize risk, they'll only use one donor for each girl. So, although you can't donate blood directly to the girls, it would still be amazing if you donated blood to the Bank. I always knew it was important and that each donation saves three lives, but now that two of those lives are my daughters...I'm indebted to anyone who has ever walked into the blood bank and given such a gift. Both our girls are B+ but they're receiving O+ blood. Please make a donation in honor of our girls.

Yesterday, I noticed a rash on my arm. We suspect it's from the plastic wrist bands we have to wear, but we can't take chances. So, I'm not touching the babies and watching the bumps for the next few days. What a step back for me. We were making an effort to kangaroo every day with the babies because it's benefical for them. And bonding for us.

Prayer Request:
-Rash on my arm clears up FAST
-That Casey's blood transfusion makes everything easier
-MORE weight gain
-faster recovery for both girls when they have desats

Praise Reports:
-they've both reached or surpassed their birth weight
-they're taking larger feedings (Astro is at 6 mL of milk every 3 hrs, Slugger is at 8 mL every 3 hrs) and having no problem with the feedings
-today, their isolettes will no longer be humidity controlled because their skin is tough enough to not dry out
-I can finallly drive-Freedom!!!

1 and 1/2 Weeks Old

Just shy of 28 weeks Gestation= 11 days Old
They warned us that preemies go through a honeymoon phase...they do really well the first week or 2 weeks of their life as they adjust to life outside the womb. Then they take a few steps backwards as their bodies start to tire a little. We're asking their lungs to breathe and work months earlier than they were meant to. They've lost their constant supply of nutrients and now their digestive system has to be awakened, slowly. We took some steps sidewards this past week but nothing that has worried us too much. Please, God, let that be the worse they ever see.

Allie Astro: I mentioned the Apnea spells (forgetting to breathe), the Brady (heartrate dips) and desats (oxygen levels in blood getting too high or too low). She was having a few spells of all of them so they did some blood tests to rule out infection. Poor girls have blood tests every day (blood sugar levels and such). Astro's blood cells were normal which is great, but it showed that her hemotocrits (I have no idea how it spells) were low. We were told by NICU (the neonatal intensive care unit) before we even gave birth that both babies were expected to need blood transfusions. Their bone marrow isn't developed enough to produce enough blood cells to replace the naturally dying ones and the blood they lose through blood tests (however tiny amounts). So, Astro received her first blood transfusion (about 3 teaspoons worth). She was also had some dark stuff coming up out of the tube that takes air out of her stomach. For those two reasons, they had cut her feedings down to zero and she's slowly working her way back up. I asked what could be causing her desats/brady/apnea if it isn't infection and the nurse said "oh, I know what's causing it." Me "Oh, what?" The nurse "She's a preemie." They're not at all worried but they always want to double check everything to make sure it's not the beginning of an infection.

Today, she's back to 2 mL every 3 hrs, and both babies move up 1 mL in feeding every 12 hours as long as they seem to be tolerating it. She is tolerating it and nothing is coming up out of her stomach tube. Hallelujah. Astro is currently 1 lb 13 oz, she has reached and surpassed her birth weight. That's amazingly soon. Wooo hoo!!! Today, we ran out of time to kangaroo (see Scott's blog) so I didn't get to touch her too much. But, today, I did change her diaper and took her temperature. I hate taking her temperature. The metal probe is longer than her arm and she squirms angrily when you press it under her armpit.

I think the blood transfusion revived her a little. We havent' heard her cry in a while. But we heard her express herself yesterday and today. And today, she opened an eye and looked around although I'm sure we're just blurs to her. But it was wonderful for me.



Casey Slugger: Casey Slugger is at 2 lb 1.86 oz. She's still under her birth rate but she had dropped weight considerably so I'm so glad she's up in the 2 lb mark. After a rough start with feedings (they had taken her off because she wasn't digesting it), she's now a day ahead of her sister. Today, she is getting 4 mL of milk every three hours. We haven't seen her eyes open yet and she hasn't opened her eyes for us yet. But she loves sleeping and we love her sleeping. Conserve all those calories and build up that fat please, little girl. Mommy wants chubby babies.

I have less to say about Slugger because she had a quieter week. And our rule of thumb for NICU is "we want boring." Boring is better. At first, Slugger wasn't having as much of a problem with apnea/brady but has picked up a little as she has gotten older and out of that honeymoon phase I mentioned. Both girls receive caffeine which is a little pick-me-up so today, they upped her caffeine to see if that helps with her Brady's. They'll up Astro's tomorrow.

We talked to the doctor and she says she is really happy with their progress. It will be another four weeks probably before their apnea masks, the Si-Pap, comes off and before we get to try to feed them by bottle. Right now, they are fed by tube because they can't breathe and eat at the same time.

Scott got a quick glimpse of Casey when they replaced her apnea Si-PAP. Those are the hands of Casey's nurse, Janelle, to give you an idea of scale. And then you see the little wrinkly and squished face of Casey briefly.



Me and Scott: I have to put this in but I need prayer as well. I think I initially was dealing well with everything...maybe adrenaline and the chaos of things got me along. Now, pregnancy hormones are kicking in and the pain and guilt I have over losing Rory is hitting and hitting hard. Scott's blog was beautiful but that picture of me holding Rory has such raw emotion, I can't get the image out of my head. When I'm trying to fall asleep after each pumping at night, I just see Rory's face and I just can't stop crying. I feel the sharp pain of missing her. I also feel the guilt of a parent who couldn't save their child.

Friday night, I went to church trying to get back into normalcy. The minute I walked into worship, I backed into a corner and couldn't stop crying. Worship is such a huge connection for me and God, and now to feel that connection bring a painful awareness. God gets to be with my little girl and I don't. I know he loves her more than I ever could and is taking care of her, but I'm selfish. I want her with me. The loss feels huge in my heart. After church, I was just trying to hold it together and leave but we got stopped a few times as we walked to the car. I was completely rude to a woman who came up asking for an update, but I was trying to hold it together and I could feel myself failing. I think I was overtired. I think I wasn't quite ready to face the masses. And the babies had a few unstable days so we weren't able to kangaroo them so not only was I missing Rory, but I was missing all my daughters. I know how much people have adopted our girls and how much people care. We live for all the prayers that are covering our little girls. It just hits me harder some days than others. Yesterday we got to hold our girls and it was such a comfort. So, we feel a lot of better but it is a long struggle. We honestly are counting down the days until we can just hold and kiss our little girls.

Prayer Requests:
-both girls to continue with their feedings upped with no problems (Answered, they're eating more and more every day)
-reduction and elimination of brady apnea and desat spells
-weight gain for both babes (they're gaining weight!!!)
-for strength as Scott and I have an appt tomorrow to make arrangements for Rory (we made it through the appointment!!!)
-for easing of pain and sorrow for Scott and myself (we still have moments of pain and sorrow but we also have more moments of peace and joy in what we've been blessed with)

The role of a husband

Scott has a blog that he shares through his Ignite ministry at Hope Chapel Kaneohe Bay. He's wanted to journal our girls' birth story but hasn't had the time...and, really, has been worried about the pain of reliving it.

It's absolutely beautifully written and although it was hard for me to read ( it was so touching and eloquent I just sob each time I read it), I love that he has recorded our children's arrival. It's hard to remember, yet, I'm terrified that I'll forget. And memories are all we have of baby Rory, so they are precious precious gold to us.

See his journal here:

I married a good man. Okay, he loves the Dodgers and he'll eat anything on a dare, but he's still a good man=) So much so, that when I try to vent to my sisters because he angered me (which is rare), I get absolutely zero sympathy from my family. They refuse to listen to me, their sister, the one who grew up with them for the last 31 years. Without any of the story, they immediately take Scott's side and scold me and tell me not to screw it up. You just got to love family.

In the hospital, he never left my side once I was out of recovery. When I was stronger, I tried to convince him to let his friends take him out to get some food. He refused. The hospital brought me meals but not for him, but Scott was content just to sit there in the room with me. Fortunately, we had a stream of family and friends visit who could bring him food. Every visitor he came, Scott proudly escorted each of them one by one to the NICU to visit the babies. Someone gave us advice that I love "the best gift you can give your children is to love your spouse." Scott makes it so easy for me. I am so blessed to have Scott as my husband...and my girls are blessed to have him as a father.

Scott's story

Astro and Slugger are 1 week old

27 weeks 1 day

I wonder about this blog. Does anyone want to read it? I've always blogged but it was about me and I would send the link to my big island family and my sis in Waipahu...put up pictures...only to find that none of them ever looked at it. Sheesh. But, that was about me, this is about our little girls. Hopefully, this will be a way to keep my family involved with their journey...I'll post pictures, updates on their progress, and most importantly, what to pray for specifically.

Today the girls are 1 week old. If they hadn't arrived, I would still be another week away from being 7 months pregnant. My girls are still in the negative. Although we lost Rory, Allie and Casey are still triplets despite only being two. Scott and I think we'll probably fluctuate between the use of the terms "triplets" and "twins" so don't be confused. They're still considered triplets and that is what the hospital refers to them by. So our trips are still in the negative age range. For me, their real age starts on Nov 2 (due date/40 weeks), right now they're still following the growth development for a baby still unborn at 27 weeks.

Allison "Astro:" Astro is the oldest and the smallest girl. She was born at 1 lb 12 oz, and has lost weight since then...right now she is at about 1 lb 10.45 oz. Astro was the one who sent me to the hospital a week ago when her water broke. She completely ignored all attempts for us to get her just to sit tight, and insisted on arriving. She seemed relieved to get out, she did the best at birth. Maybe the fact that she was on the bottom and was constantly squashed by her two sisters for the last six months. The docs always struggled to get a good view of her during ultrasounds because she was always far low and her sisters sat right on top of her. She's always been the runt, measuring far smaller than her sisters from the very beginning. The specialists were concerned about the size difference appearing so early at 10 weeks gestation, but she kept up...always slightly behind but still chugging along.

She wanted out and she seems happiest to be out. She moved off the breathing tube first and onto Si-PAP. Si-PAP is the scuba gear looking apparatus that engulfs their tiny heads. It's actually used to treat adults with apnea. It just constantly blows air into their nose. Astro is breathing on her own but it's made easier by the pressure blowing of the Si-PAP. Unfortunately, it also squishes her little face so all we get to see is her little squashed up cheeks. She was only on IV for the first few days (a baby's digestive system wasn't designed to be digesting breastmilk during this phase) but they've slowly introduced breast milk by tube directly into her stomach. There's a lot of risks with digestive problems in preemies. So far, she hasn't displayed any problems and she's taking 2 mL of breastmilk every 3 hrs. She's a little firecracker and I can't believe she already has a personality. On day 2, we heard this muted sound coming from her isolette (enclosed crib) and realized she was crying. Oh, she will voice her displeasure when she's woken up or being moved...or just when she feels like it. So horrible, but it's so reassuring to hear her cry...makes me feel like she's talking to us already. Astro is having some spells of apnea and brady. Apnea is when she just forgets to breathe...her brain is having to learn prematurely to control her breathing. Brady spells is when her heartrate drops below 100...normal heartrate at this point is ~150. Sometimes she just needs a little nudge to wake her up and remind her to breathe...it is nervewracking to watch the monitors until her heartrate rises back up.


Introducing Astro: (you can see her scuba gear is all ready for diving with Uncle John-John.


Casey "Slugger:" Slugger is our fraternal twin. Astro and Rory were identical twins and shared nutrients and oxygen. They were always a concern but Slugger has always been chill. She cruised in her own little space and hung out. She was last to be delivered...and the docs say she probably wasn't real happy to come out. She was a little shocked by birth, she did not respond at first. They had to do chest compressions and give her epinephrine (adrenaline) to get her heart going. Since then, she's just been a little behind her sister, reluctant to move to Si-PAP. She's progressing, just a little behind Astro. She does not have any spells of Apnea or Brady. She was also started on breastmilk feedings but didn't seem to be moving it along. So, they took her off the breastmilk yesterday and she's just on IV. It's not a huge concern but I will breathe so much easier when she displays that she can digest breast milk.

Slugger was born at 2 lb 2-4 oz and now she weighs 1 lb 14.68 oz. Her weight dropped in the beginning but she is picking up again, even without the breastmilk. It will be a while before both babies reach their original birth weight. Slugger is much more chill in her isolette. They're kept in an enclosed plastic chamber. It's heated because they're not able to regulate their body temp and keep warm enough on their own. It's also humidifying since their skin dries out really easily. And the staff keep the isolette covered with these blankets to keep it dark and muffle outisde sound. They try to mimic the environment of the uterus as much as possible. Slugger doesn't cry yet, she's way more mellow. And she's hairy. Oh, boy, she is hairy. She even has little white wiskers.=)


She definitely sleeps stretched out...just like her daddy. She prefers legs out straight and arms over her head. I try to get her to curl up because it just looks more comfortable.

And here's our little Slugger

Praise Reports:
-Both babies are being fed oxygen level at 21% (just like real room air) and doing great
-Astro is eating great
-Slugger has had no apnea/brady spells
-Scott and I get to hold them once a day
-They're a week old!!!

Prayer Requests:
-they have follow-up head ultrasounds today to check if any brain bleeds have developed (We rebuke that) --> Prayer answered-both ultrasounds came back normal
-docs to be able to figure out why Casey hasn't been eating -Answered, Casey is eating now
-Astro to figure out breathing, no more Apnea/Brady spells
-open their eyes -Halfway there, I saw Astro open her left eye and look around

The nurses say that each girl will open one eye every now and then. But we never see it. They're always sleeping, which is good. We want them to sleep all the time and save up their energy and calories for growth. But I can't wait until they open their eyes...and when they can get off that SiPAP so we can see their little faces.

July 28th 2010 Birthday

Some of you may know what happened but sadly, I haven’t been able to get a hold of some of my dearest friends. I don’t have a phone. I tried to use it on Wednesday to get a hold of people but it wasn’t working with me. Then in all the chaos, it vanished and with it went all my contact information. If you’ve been trying to get a hold of me, I don’t have a phone so I have not received texts or voicemails and unless Scott has your phone number, I can’t get in touch with you. Please email me with your contact info!!!

This past Wednesday, Scott and I had plans to celebrate our third wedding anniversary. Instead, we found ourselves driving to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning. From the minute the nurse told us that we were having triplets, our biggest concern has been pre-term labor. Despite all precautions, the human body is not designed to accommodate more than 2 babies at a time. At 26 weeks, I was already past the size of a woman carrying one full-term baby. We entered the hospital with mild symptoms but were confident along with doctors that we would be sent home, we just wanted to be safe. Unfortunately, tests indicated that my water might have broken. They began me on heavy medication that stalls and delays labor and we began talking about me being hospitalized and on complete, absolute bedrest for as many weeks as we could delay their delivery.

Scott and I have countdown timer applications on our phones. I have a countdown to 28 weeks gestation where premature babies have a great rate of survival with few complications. Scott’s countdown is to 33 weeks, our goal for our triplet pregnancy where our babies would spend only a little amount of time in the NICU. We were hit pretty hard with the prospect that 33 weeks would now be a very big stretch and we had to switch our focus to 28 weeks which was still 13 days away. The nurse monitored me while I waited for the medication to slow and diminish the mild contractions I was having. Instead, despite upping the medication and trying an additional second drug, I rapidly switched into advanced labor to the shock of all, including the doctors. It was the most chaotic and scary moment I have ever experienced as alarms went off, people started yelling and I was being raced down the hall into the operating room. One of the last things I saw before the door swung close and I was put under was the scared face of Scott putting on scrubs in the hall. I would be told later that he wasn’t even allowed into the room. I was put completely under and I have no memory of what followed.

On Wednesday, July 28th 2010, a little after noon, our three daughters were delivered by emergency C-Section. They were born 3 and half months early at 26 weeks and 1 day gestation. Allison “Astro” Sunaoka weighing 1 lb 12 oz. Rory “Gizmo” Sunaoka weighing ~ 2 lb 4 oz. Casey “Slugger” Sunaoka weighing ~ 2 lb 4 oz. Allie and Casey were rushed to the NICU. Scott and I are heartbroken to share that a few hours after birth, our little Rory “Gizmo” had passed away.

About a month and a half ago, we learned through ultrasounds and echocardiograms that Rory had a serious heart defect that was terminal. The past 6 weeks have been an emotional journey as each week and each scan brought new questions with unhappy answers. We have been struggling with how to share this news publicly as we know so many have shared in this pregnancy and excitement. Our girls are beyond cherished and loved by all, and our family has expanded in the last 6 months to include so many thrilled “aunties” and “uncles.” There were so many questions that we had to deal with. Our future changed from week to week. We were even looking to possibly giving birth in San Diego and uprooting our lives for a year. We didn’t know if we wanted a baby shower, or even how to register for baby items. I would break down in tears when it came down to deciding quantity. At night, we mainly talked about how we might want to spend Rory’s time after birth with her. Above all, we did not want to give up hope of miraculous hearing and every week and every doctor visit, we just kept praying that this was the week that would bring us good news. Unfortunately, we just ran out of time far quicker than we could ever have imagined and nothing…nothing could have prepared us for saying hello and goodbye to our daughter in less than a day.

We had hoped to get as far as long as possible to give Rory the best chance at birth, and to give us the most time with her. Being born at 26 weeks erased a lot of our options and plans, and it is still hard for us to face. The hospital staff were aware of the situation and made her as comfortable as possible. Rory did get to spend a lot of quality time being held by daddy and close family and friends before she returned home to be with her other “Daddy.” Such a short time with us, but we cherished every moment and I’m thankful for every second I had to be her mom. It was a blessing and an honor.

We are recovering and there’s a lot to deal with as we were not very prepared at this early a stage. We know you love our families and we ask that most communication be through email or texts or fb (so modern huh) and not through phone calls. We don’t have much time to spend on the phone although we want to keep everyone updated. Please don’t feel that you can’t ask us about Rory. We certainly want to celebrate her life. I’ll be posting soon about Rory for those who never got to meet or know her. I’m so proud of her and I want everyone to know how amazing she is.

We have two little babies in the NICU who also still need our attention and a lot of prayer. At this stage, their lungs, immune system, brain, and digestive system are still underdeveloped and they are kept isolated to mimic still being in the womb. Allie, our petite little 1 lb 12 oz firecracker, was moved off a breathing tube and to a less invasive breathing assistance called a C-PAP. Today, they will do an echo on her heart to see if she has any heart problems related to her identical sister’s heart problem. Casey, last to arrive at 2 lb 4 oz, is having more difficulty. She’s not been able to move off the breathing tube and is having a rougher time managing her oxygen levels. She had a lot of swelling but it has gone down a lot in the last day. We’ve been warned that with micro-preemies, there will be a lot of steps forward and just as many steps back. We’re praying for those steps forward. These girls may have been born in Honolulu, but I am pretty sure I see some Big Island in them=)

Prayer Requests:
-Slugger is able to move onto a C-PAP today
-No apnea spells for Astro
-Today’s fetal echocardiograms show perfect hearts for both girls
-Astro to be able to move to a PIC-line
*we still refer to them by Scott’s crazy nicknames, it’s a habit I can’t kick unfortunately