I kept saying that I wanted to blog about Rory...share her with the world. You don't know how many times I've gone over all the things I wanted to share about her. Wanted to boast and shout from the mountain tops. But I couldn't do it. Not yet. It hurt too much. I would wake up at night and just cry thinking about her. I still need to tell the world how amazing she is. I refuse to use the past tense.
Now I've lost Allison. Now I have two stories to tell. We're broken. Pastor Ruby slipped a pile of scripture cards into my hand yesterday. I can't remember which scripture it was but it said that God draws the broken near to him. I am broken. God must be near to me although, to be honest, I feel so far. It's a weird world I live in. I oscillate between feeling completely numb, not really living, to severe heartwrenching pain. And then back to numbness. I know it will get better, it has to get better. Just not today.
Scott is first to gather his courage and give tribute to his oldest daughter. He amazes me.
Scott's blog
Keao,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through your friend Sandy Coll, who I "know" through a triplet website. I am so, so sorry for the loss of Rory and now Allison. I lost my middle triplet daughter, Caitlin, last February to a rare brain defect; she died a day before I delivered her sisters at 30 weeks.
I e-mailed Sandy about this, but please, please if you feel ready, do visit the triplet site she is a member of and come to the bereaved board. Or please write to me, or please search for me on Facebook (Amy Maio); a group of us who have lost one or more of their triplets have a private group where we cry, scream, and just be sad together. Even if you are not ready to talk just yet, it is sometimes helpful just to know that whatever you are feeling, you are NOT crazy, that others have gone though it as well.
I am so, so sorry.
Keao and Scott,
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry to hear about Allie. It was an honor to meet her and to see how loved she was by the both of you. At this time words are probably little consolation, but I'm thinking about you and celebrate her life with you.
Keao, I think you're one of the bravest, most courageous women I know. I think you're brave just by admitting to yourself that you're broken, and amazing that you'd tell all of us about it, too. As a counselor, I can't imagine your pain, but want to sit with you in it and be there with you. As your friend, I wish there was something besides praying I could do to help ease your pain. But as your sister in Christ, I'll keep praying that the God of the brokenhearted will intercede and help mend your broken heart. All my love and prayers to you and Scott. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. :( A friend of yours shared the link to ask for prayer for you. Through totally different circumstances we have buried two babies, one born at 35 weeks and the other at 32 weeks. I won't claim to understand all you are dealing with, but my husband and I do understand a bit of the loss you are feeling. :( Again, I am so sorry and we will be praying that God will comfort you during this time.
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